


Reflections

by Kalkasar (Mordhena)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Planet, Angry Chakotay, Chakotay & Paris Tension, M/M, Maquis, Pranks and Practical Jokes, away mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 03:50:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17859722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordhena/pseuds/Kalkasar
Summary: Just how far can a practical joke go...and what will be the consequences?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Batchelor Party by Haggis](http://www.tomparisdorm.com/viewstory.php?sid=1454&chapter=1)

Harry Kim didn't waste time with pleasantries after the Captain dismissed them. He gave Tom a look full of confusion then headed straight for his quarters. He needed to think. He needed to be alone… maybe for a long time, in order to sort out exactly what was going on inside his head.   
  
Entering his cabin, he engaged the privacy protocols that would ensure him no visitors or coms for as long as he needed. He moved to his sofa and sat down, leaning his elbows on his knees and burying his fingers into his mop of black hair. "This is crazy," he muttered. "Completely crazy!"   
  
The mission had started off routine enough. He, Tom and Chakotay were sent to Siggah' in the interests of good interracial relations, a diplomatic expedition to foster good will between Voyager and the Siggah'n people. Harry had enjoyed himself, the planet's inhabitants were friendly, generous to a fault and welcomed the three human officers with warmth and a geniality unmatched by most of the races Voyager had so far encountered.   
  
Deciding this was more like shore leave than work, Harry relaxed and allowed himself to take as much pleasure in the visit as Tom and Chakotay obviously did.   
  
Now, he groaned aloud as he remembered Tom quickly cajoling Chakotay into accepting the invitation to sample some of the local entertainment at that damned bar. Harry felt his cheeks flame bright red with shame, remembering the scantily clad women in the bar, the sweet, potent alcohol – he had to admit, that drink was great. He hoped they could take some with them when they left the sector.   
  
And then, the bachelor party. Harry closed his eyes with a moan of distress. How the hell was he supposed to write a report about this?   
  
The sight of those women on the stage, the things they were doing to each other, the roaring approval of the audience … and the sound of his own blood roaring in his ears.   
  
Harry swallowed hard and stood up abruptly, feeling a rush of arousal at the memory. He restlessly paced to the replicator and ordered a glass of water, chilled.   
  
"And then, Tom kissed me!" Harry closed his eyes for a moment. _He kissed me and said I am his lover …_  "God, Tom, you don't know … of course you don't know, the effect your actions … or your words had on me."   
  
He placed his empty glass into the recycler and went to stare out of the view port. How many times had he longed to feel Tom's lips on his own, or to hear the words spoken so flippantly in that bar, said to him in earnest? His heart lurched with the pain of realizing that his dream had come true, but in the most painful way imaginable. Tom _had_ kissed him. He'd said, 'I love you.' but it was all a game. A way for Tom to get himself out of trouble.   
  
Harry turned away from the view port. Moving to his desk, he sat down and pulled a PADD towards him. He had a report to write, and painful as it may be to relive it, he would do his duty.   
  
The one good thing about reports was, you didn't have to write what you felt; just the facts … 'I went here, I did this, I formulated this opinion, I recommend that …'   
  
You could bury your feelings in duty. You could hide your pain behind efficiency. He began to type and forced his mind away from the thought of how to face Tom tomorrow.   
  
That could wait.   
  


* * *

  
  
Tom watched Harry leave the transporter room. The look in Harry's eyes as he glanced at Tom on his way out, puzzled him. He narrowed his eyes and took a half step, almost following the operations officer out of the room, then he paused.   
  
 _Is he mad at me?_  Tom frowned. A glance at Chakotay as he walked past Tom on the way to his quarters left him in no doubt as to the Commander's feelings. Tom bit his lip and slowly trailed out of the room after his two companions. He began to worry. Not about Chakotay, he had faced the Commander's wrath before and knew how to handle that. But, Harry.   
  
The look in his dark eyes haunted Tom all the way to his own cabin. Entering the haven he'd slowly begun to build for himself aboard Voyager, the pilot replicated himself a sandwich, he needed something to soak up some of the alcohol in his system before he thought about the report Captain Janeway had asked for.   
  
Taking the sandwich to the table he sat, and began to eat, still reflecting on the away mission. _Harry was so embarrassed just watching. I couldn't let those women drag him up on that stage … it would have killed him for sure …_  Tom took another bite of his sandwich. _But, maybe I did go a little over the top. Shit, I don't know … Harry never struck me as a wowser, but maybe he was offended by what I did?_  Tom laid the half eaten sandwich on the plate.   
  
"I'd better talk to him. Apologize." He reached for his combadge. "Paris to Kim …"   
  
"Ensign Kim is currently unavailable," the computer responded promptly.   
  
"Damn, he _is_ mad at me!" Tom got to his feet. "Computer locate Ensign Kim?"   
  
"Ensign Kim is in his personal quarters. Privacy protocols are in effect."   
  
"Shit, Har'." Cerulean eyes darkened to a deep sapphire blue as worry and regret flooded through Tom. He hesitated only a moment before he reached a decision. Squaring his shoulders he walked out of his cabin and headed for B'Elanna's Quarters.   
  


* * *

  
  
"You idiot, Tom!" B'Elanna stared at the pilot in disbelief. "I can't believe you did that!"   
  
"Hey! gimme a break! I didn't mean to piss him off. 'Lanna … can't you understand? You know Har', An experience like that … I mean Jeeze! c'mon the guy blushes if one of the Delaneys looks at him sideways, and let me assure you, they have nothing on these gals on Siggah'!"   
  
"OK. Granted! but you _kissed_  him!? Tom, are you completely out of your mind, or are you just so pig ignorant that you can't see …" She trailed off suddenly and turned her back on Tom with a small growl of frustration.   
  
"What!?" Tom was on his feet in a second and moving to stand behind her, turning her around. "What?" he asked again more softly, "What can't I see?"   
  
"Nothing." B'Elanna dismissed his question with a small shrug. "Nothing, forget it." she looked into his eyes. "So, what're you going to do, Helm boy? You can't just act as if nothing happened."   
  
"I don't know, I guess I need to talk to him. Apologize." Tom turned away, letting his hands drop from her shoulders. _Why is it that every time I try to help someone it turns into such a major fuck up? Is altruism off limits to me or something? Shit!_  He glanced over his shoulder at B'Elanna. "I'm gonna go see him. Thanks, 'Lanna."   
  
She made a soft sound, perhaps a snort of laughter. "Don't mention it. I'm getting used to picking up your pieces." She tossed him a brief smile. "Good luck."   
  


* * *

  
Harry deleted a line of text and huffed in frustration. His report was not going as well as he had hoped.   
  
Try as he might, the scenes from the bachelor party kept returning to haunt him. Not just the women, not just Chakotay's mortification, though they figured largely. The thing that kept returning most was the memory of Tom's mouth pressed against his in a passionate, searing kiss. The warmth of him, the strength of his arms pulling Harry against him, the scent of Tom's cologne, spicy, with a hint of musk. Harry fancied he could still smell it, clinging to his uniform.   
  
"Easy, Kim!" he told himself, getting to his feet. "Keep going and you'll be imagining that he really meant it when he said he loves you!" He walked to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. Taking a towel he dried off and ruffled his hair with his fingers, thinking of bed. He decided to put off writing the report until early in the morning. He was unable to focus on it right now anyway.   
  
He went into his bedroom. Stripped to his shorts, he was about to get into bed when there was a knock at his door. He frowned. Most people on the ship would not go so far as to knock when privacy protocols were set. Privacy was one thing that everyone knew how to respect. They had to, it was the only way to avoid an all out riot sometimes, when tensions were high and tempers frayed. For someone to knock in this instance then, was unheard of.   
  
Even in an emergency the computer was used to inform personnel, that, or the red alert klaxons would give a fair indication that private time was over. Harry walked into the living room, staring at the door as though he expected it to tell him who was there.   
  
"Who is it?" he called softly.   
  
"Har'? It's … Tom."   
  
The muffled response sent his heart lurching again. He said nothing, biting his lower lip in indecision.   
  
"Har'?" Tom called again. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."   
  
Harry palmed his face then turned towards the bedroom, snatching up a shaving coat and slipping it on over his shorts.   
  
"Enter." The computer to chirped acknowledgement as the door slid open.   
  
Tom stepped inside. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were …"   
  
Harry shrugged. "I thought maybe the privacy lockout would be a hint, Tom." He winced at his own harsh tone. He looked at Tom for an instant then averted his gaze. He turned away as he felt a small stir from his groin, blushing uncomfortably. _Get a grip, Harry! for gods' sakes._    
  
Watching Harry as he turned his back to him, Tom bit his lip and took a step forward.   
  
"Harry, I came to … to say … I'm sorry if what I did down there offended you. I … I didn't mean to. I just didn't think. I mean, there wasn't any time to think it through. I wanted to protect you and I just did the first thing that came to mind …" Tom's words tumbled over themselves in his haste to get the apology out.   
  
"So I kissed you and I said those stupid things and I acted like a complete ass and I …"   
  
"Those words weren't stupid, Tom"   
  
"… and anyway I really only did it 'cause I didn't want to see you humiliated like that and I … Gods, Harry, what can I say? I mean … what?" Tom ground to a halt as what Harry had said finally penetrated.   
  
"Saying 'I love you' to someone. It isn't stupid, Tom. If you mean it."   
  
"Oh." Tom was suddenly speechless. He bit his lower lip as something B'Elanna had said came to mind. _"Are you completely out of your mind, or are you just so pig ignorant that you can't see …_  
  
"Harry?" his voice sounded small in his own ears. "Har' …"   
  
"But you didn't mean it, did you? It was just a game to you. Everything is a joke with you, Tom! You play your games, and you wear your masks, and you don't even give a _thought_  how others feel. Do you?"   
  
"Oh, God, Harry, I'm sorry." Tom was genuine. It showed in his deep, blue, expressive eyes. "I'm so sorry!"  He studied Harry's face. "You're right. I didn't think. I _don't_  think. I didn't mean to hurt you, Har', you hafta believe me. If I'd known …" He drew a deep breath. "I'm sorry." Tom reiterated before he turned for the doors. "I … I'll go."   
  
"Yeah," Harry said. "I think that's a good idea. I'll … see you tomorrow, I guess."   
  
Nodding, Tom exited the cabin. "Good night." he murmured, unsure if Harry even heard him. He paused outside the door for a moment, staring at the cold, unyielding surface. "Sorry." he whispered again before he walked away towards his own cabin. 


	2. Chapter 2

The door to Tom's cabin swished shut behind him. He made his way to the small desk at the far side of his room and lifted the data PADD to start writing his report.   
  
"Shit." He said to no one, "This was not supposed to happen, why is it every fucking time I go on an away mission, I screw up?"   
  
With PADD in hand, he made his way to the bedroom. He placed the PADD on the night stand and headed for the shower. his head ached, and he needed to organise his thoughts before he tackled what to say in the report.  
  
After toweling off he piled up the pillows and climbed into bed. The sheets were soft on his naked skin and the sensation sent a shudder running from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.   
  
Lifting the pad and resting it on his knees he went over the day's events in his head.   
  
They collected supplies, made friends with the Ambassador, they went to a bar, they got drunk, he kissed Harry. Harry kissed him and Chakotay got a blow job, courtesy of two of the most beautiful women Tom had ever seen. Then they beamed back aboard ship.   
  
 _And I'm going to hand that to the captain? I think not._     
  
Tom quickly typed up everything that they had done up to the invitation to the stag party. At this point, he merely stated that the Siggah'n had invited them to a cabaret. They accepted, they watched the show and when it was over they returned to Voyager.   
  
 _So shoot me,_  Tom thought as he ordered lights off and settled down to sleep. _That's all you are getting from me captain._    
  
As he closed his eyes he wondered vaguely if Chakotay would give a full _blow by blow_ account of their experiences on the planet. 

* * *

Two hours later, Tom still lay wide awake. The day's events ran in an endless loop in his head. He initially thought that Harry had been offended by his kiss. When he had seen the two women make their way towards them he had acted instinctively to save both himself and Harry. He had hoped that Harry would not throw a fit and punch him out.   
  
Harry had kissed him back, a soft gentle kiss, lips sweetened by the fruity drink. Tom had not realized at that moment the depth of the kiss or the emotion behind it. Things had got out of hand and it was a spur of the moment thing.   
  
 _"Saying 'I love you' to someone. It isn't stupid, Tom. If you mean it."_  
  
Harry was his friend, Tom had never thought of him as a lover. He thought that Harry lusted after Seven. Shit he _knew_ that Harry lusted after Seven; even though she scared him half to death.   
  
Something else crossed his thoughts, a memory of a conversation he had had with his mother. ' _Lust and Love are two very different things Tom. Lust will only relieve a physical need. Where Love can feed a heart and can also cause the most horrendous pain._ '   
  
Harry loved him, he did not lust after him, he _loved_ him.   
  
 _Why the hell hasn't he told me before now?_    
  
A few minutes later, dressed only in sweat pants and a T-shirt, Tom found himself standing outside Harry's door.   
  
He pushed the chime, no answer. He pushed it again, a few minutes later he heard a crash and a muffled curse from behind the door.   
  
"Who is it?" Harry called out.   
  
"It's me, Harry, Tom." There was silence and then the door slid open.   
  
Harry's quarters were in darkness apart from a bedside light in the other room.   
  
"Tom? What are you doing here? It's Three o'clock in the morning. Can't it wait?"   
  
Tom moved through the door into Harry's quarters letting the door close behind him.   
  
"No it can't wait, Harry. Do You love me?"   
  
Harry dragged a hand through his already ruffled hair.   
  
"Not now, Tom. Please." His dark eyes darted to Tom's face then away, the expression in them unreadable.   
  
Tom moved nearer to where Harry stood.   
  
"No. I want to know, do you _love_ me?"   
  
"Yes. I love you. Satisfied?"   
  
Harry glared at him, the fierce expression almost belying his words. Tom shrugged it off, he'd worn that mask often enough to recognize it on his friend.   
  
Seeing Tom's small shrug, Harry immediately leaped to the wrong conclusion. He scowled, fixing Tom with a cold glare. "It's all a big joke to you, Tom, isn't it? Nothing ever penetrates that persona of yours, no one ever gets close. I love you. I have for a long time. I realized when we were sent down the chute and I thought you were going to die. I love you, OK? Now please, just leave."   
  
In two long strides Tom was standing right in front of Harry. "Why leave when I've only just arrived at where I've always wanted to be?" Reaching out he pulled Harry towards him and captured his lips with his own.   
  
For a moment, Harry allowed Tom's lips to press against his own. Closing his eyes, he breathed a sigh of longing and need. His hand came up to caress Tom's cheek and then, cold reality hit.   
  
 _He's just doing this because he feels sorry for me!_  
  
Harry gave a small cry and jerked backwards, the caress turning into a shove as he stared into Tom's eyes. "Don't! Don't do this to me, Tom! OK...just don't screw with my feelings like this!"   
  
"What?!" Tom's faced registered bewildered surprise. "Screw with...Harry, what the fuck are you talking about?"   
  
"Oh come on, Tom! You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. I don't need you to do this! I've seen _this_  game before too, and I won't play along."   
  
"I don't get it. I have no idea what you're talking about!" Tom took a step closer to the Ensign, facing him squarely, eye to eye. "You'd just better explain yourself, Har, or we're not gonna be playing nice anymore!" His blue eyes glittered coldly and his chin jutted at a defiant angle.   
  
Harry backed off a pace or two. "I don't want you to do this because of some sense of pity or guilt or whatever else, Tom. I am not a charity case. I refuse to be used like that just to make you feel better!"   
  
Tom's mouth dropped open and he stared at Harry in stunned silence for a split second before the Paris defense mechanisms kicked in. "Oh! Excuse me. I didn't think I was making you into a charity case, Harry. You think I came here tonight to give you a quickie one night stand, don't you?"   
  
When Harry remained silent, Tom turned aside to hide the hurt and swore softly. "Well, you're mistaken, Har. You think you know me? You think you know what is inside my head...or my heart?" He paused then fixed Harry with a cold gaze. "Well, you don't know jack shit, Harry!"   
  
"Tom!" Harry made a half step but Tom's look froze him in place.   
  
"Forget it, Har. Forget I even came here. I'm sorry I woke you...and whatever it was you broke when you got up to let me in...I'll replace it. Goodnight." He turned and walked out of the room, storming along the hallway, barely aware of where he was headed. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Paris!"   
  
The voice brought him up short and Tom stopped, turning to look behind him _Oh great! This is all I need..._  "Commander?"  
  
Chakotay came level with the pilot, standing very close, shorter than Tom by one or two inches, his bulkier frame made up for the difference as he glared into the pilot's eyes. "I've been looking for you for the past hour, Paris! Where the hell have you been?"   
  
Tom folded his arms across his chest and lounged back against the wall, unconsciously putting space between them as the cold mask of indifference fell into place. "I couldn't sleep. I thought Neelix might have some milk and cookies." He didn't want Chakotay to know he'd been with Harry, and he didn't know why.   
  
Chakotay brought the palm of his hand against the wall, a classic intimidation tactic, leaning close, eyes locked to the arrgoant blue gaze of his adversary. "I want that tape, Paris! I want it _now,_  and you're going to get it for me before I decide you need a special roster for the next month!"   
  
"Oh really? Thought about how to explain to the captain about the 'special treatment' too, have you?" Tom pushed off the wall, deliberately brushing against Chakotay's body as he passed him and began walking. "That film is my property, Chakotay. I don't have to give it to you and you know it. Besides, I didn't think you were the type to want to watch it back and...amuse yourself." He stopped, turning to look into the furious gaze of his Executive Officer. "I _could_  make you a copy, Sir. For personal, private use...our little secret?"   
  
"Damn you, Paris! I'm getting tired of your full of shit attitude!" Chakotay stepped forward, grabbing a hand full of Tom's T-shirt and shoving him hard against the wall."   
  
Tom winced. The mask slipped for an instant as his shoulders made painful contact with the hard surface. "Ow!" he said almost under his breath. Meeting Chakotay's eyes, he took a deep breath, steadying himself before he spoke in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "Come on, Commander, they were nice girls, weren't they? You _looked_  like you were enjoying yourself. Maybe we should let the rest of the crew know about Siggah'n hospitality, arrange some shore leave? You could go back and..." He didn't finish the sentence as Chakotay's hand clamped on his throat in a relentless grip, stopping his voice and very nearly cutting off his air.   
  
"Cut the bullshit, Paris. We're going to your cabin and you're going to give me that tape, or you're going to regret the day you ever learned the name Chakotay!"   
  
Tom gasped, struggling to breathe and closed his eyes for an instant, his mind racing, near panic. He raised a hand to Chakotay's wrist, trying to prize the Commander's grip loose then looked into the Commander's eyes in mute appeal.   
  
Neither man was aware of the person who approached them along the hallway until a quiet voice broke through their intense concentration on one another.   
  
"Commander, is there a problem?" Tuvok raised an eyebrow in inquiry, taking in the scene before him with dispassionate interest.   
  
Chakotay released his grip of Tom's throat and took a half step back, still close enough to prevent Paris' escape. "Nothing that I can't handle, Lieutenant." He drew Tom a murderous glance. "Lieutenant Paris and I were just discussing a point of discipline."   
  
"Indeed." Tuvok's face and voice betrayed nothing of what might be going on behind eyes. "Might I suggest you continue this discussion somewhere more...suitable."   
  
Tom smirked, looked down at his feet, struggling not to laugh. _Shit, Tuvok...you crack me up._  He absently rubbed his neck, watching the two senior officers in silence.   
  
"Lieutenant," Tuvok began but paused as his combadge activated.   
  
"Ayala to Tuvok. Sir, the report you asked me for is ready, should I bring it to your office?" The Vulcan tilted his head slighty to one side. "Please do so, Mr Ayala. I will meet you there." With a slight bow to Chakotay and Tom, the tactical officer turned and walked away.   
  
Tom glanced at Chakotay and passed his tongue nervously across his lips. "Uh...I should be going too. I need to get some sleep, I am on an early shift tomorrow." He took a half step but was brought to a halt by a vice-like grip on his arm.   
  
"Not so fast, Helm boy!" Chakotay's tone was low and intense. "You're forgetting the tape...I want it."   
  
"Yeah, sure!" Tom shrugged Chakotay off, the commander was beginning to seriously piss him off. He shot Chakotay a withering glance. "Keep your hands off me."

* * *

Chakotay walked in silence until they reached Tom's Cabin. Waiting for the younger man to key in the access code, Chakotay ground his teeth. He was still royally pissed off with Tom for being the one to betray him and his crew to Janeway, and this latest escapade just rubbed salt into the wound. There was no way he would let Tom keep that tape. If he had to kill the pilot to get it from him, he would not hold off. He might be stuck on this Federation ship, he might have taken the role of first officer, but there was no way this side of hell he would ever trust Paris again."  
  
When the doors slid open, Chakotay grabbed Paris' arm and propelled him forward into the room. "Move it, Fly boy...and don't try and screw with me. I've got about zero patience with you anymore. Get the tape and I'll go."   
  
Tom growled and rounded on the Executive Officer. "Look, Commander high and mighty I'm so fucking pure and right, work to rules, tame Maquis. I asked you to keep your fucking hands off of me and I wasn't kidding. Lay a finger on me again and I'm gonna forget this is Star Fleet!"   
  
"Why wait? Let's forget it right now shall we? I told you I was gonna give it to you for getting me into that shit on Siggah!" Chakotay backhanded Tom and sent him reeling across the cabin. "Tame Maquis, am I? We'll just see about that, Paris!"   
  
Tom fetched up against the back of a sofa, grabbing hold of it to steady himself. Passing the back of his hand across his mouth, he looked at the bright streak of blood left behind. "Fuck you!"   
  
He spat blood and realized he may have lost a tooth. "You always did think throwing your weight around was the way to gain respect." He scoffed. "You want a piece of me? well, c'mon...bring it on, big man! I'm not afraid to stand up to you."   
  
Chakotay crossed the room in three strides and punched Tom hard in the abdomen. "Shut your smart mouth, Paris."   
  
Tom doubled, retching, as the wind was knocked out of him. Stars exploded behind his eyes as another blow fell on the back of his neck. He felt his knees buckle and struggled to keep his feet but he was too dazed. Sinking down on his knees, he could only pant and gasp helplessly as Chakotay seized a handful of his hair and jerked him upright, staring into his eyes.   
  
"Where is the vid, Paris?"   
  
"Where you can't get to it." Tom spat defiantly. He winced as Chakotay raised a hand ready to slap him and almost wept with relief when the Commander was interrupted by Tuvok calling on him to report to the security office.   
  
Chakotay let go Tom's hair and let the pilot slump to the floor. His little 'chat' with Tom would have to wait. In a surprisingly calm voice he answered Tuvok's com then signed off. Bending over Tom he pulled the younger man's head up from the floor.   
  
"I'll be back, Paris. Count on it." He let Tom go and turned for the doors pausing to add. "Oh ... and don't be late on shift tomorrow. I'll be watching."   
  



	4. Chapter 4

Tom watched in silence as Chakotay disappeared through the door. Once it had closed behind him, Tom pulled himself painfully up onto the couch.  
  
"Computer, engage privacy lock. Paris beta three." He pulled up his knees and wrapped his arms around them in curling in around the pain and confusion.   
  
"Bastard." 

* * *

Chakotay made his way to Tuvok's office. _This had better be worthwhile, Vulcan._  He did not announce himself when he reached the security office, he merely stormed in, red faced and angry.   
  
"Right, Tuvok, what's this all about?" he said in a tone that sounded more of a challenge than a question.   
  
Tuvok lifted his gaze from the data pad he had been reading and studied the Commander closely. He did not like what he had witnessed earlier in the corridor, but as neither Chakotay or Paris had sought his assistance, he was powerless to intervene. The communication from Ayala meant that he had had to leave the scene before he could ascertain what was happening between the two men.   
  
Chakotay leaned forward resting his hands on the Vulcan's desk. "Well?" he demanded, his irritation mounting.   
  
"Commander, there have been several incidents of fighting among members of your crew. I thought it best that you be informed before I carried out any disciplinary action."   
  
"My crew?" Chakotay said sarcastically. "Aren't we all supposed to be one crew? One Star Fleet Crew?" he leaned in across the desk, "Better not let the captain hear that you are still observing the Maquis crew members, Lieutenant. I don't think she would like it."   
  
Tuvok remained his usual dispassionate self, despite the fact that Chakotay was now so close to him that he could feel the heat coming from the commander's body. "Indeed?" He replied, raising one eyebrow.   
  
Chakotay glanced down at the data padds lying on the desk. "Are these the reports of the crew members in question?" Chakotay asked.   
  
"They are." Tuvok answered.   
  
"Fine. I'll deal with it." Chakotay lifted the padds.   
  
"Commander, may I remind you…"   
  
"I SAID I'LL DEAL WITH IT, ALL RIGHT, LIEUTENANT?"   
  
"This is highly irregular," Tuvok continued.   
  
"You said it yourself, Lieutenant, these are my people. You don't need to worry, Tuvok. I'll inform the captain of whatever disciplinary action I decide to take." With the padds now in his hand, Chakotay straightened and turned towards the door.   
  
"I will also submit my report to the captain." Tuvok said to Chakotay's back.   
  
"You do that, Lieutenant, you do that. After all, it wouldn't be the first time you have gone behind my back." With those parting words, Chakotay left Tuvok and headed towards his own office.   
  
As he strode along the corridor he glanced at the names on the reports. He hit his communicator, "Chakotay to Dalby,"   
  
"Dalby here," came the reply.   
  
"My office. N _ow_ ," Chakotay growled.   
  
"Chakotay to Ayala,"   
  
"Ayala here, what can I do for you Captain?"   
  
"My office, ten minutes, Chakotay out."   
  
Chakotay reached his office at the same time as Ken Dalby. "Inside." He growled when his access code activated the door.   
  
Ken took a few steps inside, then turned to find Chakotay standing in front of him, red with rage. Before he could even begin to speak Chakotay backhanded him across the face.   
  
"When are you ever gonna fucking learn to keep that fat mouth of yours shut and keep your fists to yourself? I am sick to the back teeth of cleaning up the mess you make."   
  
Ken rubbed at his face, "Chakotay..." he started to say.   
  
"Shut the fuck up, Dalby I'm not in the mood for your excuses. I am warning you if I am ever, _ever_ called away from important business to deal with you again I am going to beat the crap out of you. Understood?"   
  
Ken remained silent.   
  
"Understood?" Chakotay repeated, grabbing Ken's tunic top and shaking him. The Maquis way, remember?" Ken nodded silently. "Good." Chakotay said as he released him and pushed him towards the door at the same time. "Good, now get out."   
  
Greg Ayala arrived at Chakotay's office a few minutes later and was accorded the same treatment.   
  
"You should know better, Ayala. Show me up like this again and I'll personally wipe the floor with you! Got that?"   
  
Greg nodded and wiped the trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.   
  
"And tell the others, if they're going to act like Maquis, I'm going to make sure they are treated like Maquis! Thanks to you two idiots I have to sit here and write up a report for Janeway and I had something else planned to do tonight. Now get out."   
  
Greg Ayala fled without a backward glance. It had been years since he had known Chakotay to loose control like this. He was not about to stay on the receiving end of Chakotay's temper a minute longer than he had to.   
  
Chakotay, now alone, picked up the data padd, it would be a hell of a lot more comfortable to sit and write a little fictional essay for Janeway in his own quarters. Besides, he could do with a drink and he had a rather potent bottle of Siggah'n liquor in his cabin. With that last thought, he decided that his quarters were by far the best place for him to relax and with the data padd still in his hand he left his office and headed along the corridor.   
  
Harry pressed the door chime on Tom's cabin with shaking hand. Waiting for an answer, he pulled his grey, off duty tunic a little straighter and smoothed his hair.   
  
When there was no response to the chimes, he tried again and called. "Tom?"   
  
Tom Paris lifted his head off his knees and blinked at the door as the chimes sounded in the room. His jaw ached from the blow Chakotay had dealt him and he could feel a tooth at the back of his mouth was loose. He still tasted blood and knew he should treat the injury soon to avoid losing the tooth, but he just didn't have the energy to move.   
  
He didn't want to open the door. He didn't want to see anyone. All in all this had been a prick of a day and it hadn't even started yet. He glared at the door, willing whoever it was to just go away.   
  
When the chimes sounded a second time, he thought he heard a muffled voice call his name. He sighed and moved off the sofa, making his way to the door. "Who's there?" he called softly.   
  
"Tom? It's Harry. I'm sorry...please, can I come in?"   
  
The voice was so plaintive that Tom reached for the manual control to the door and let it slide open.   
  
"Thanks..." Harry stepped into the room. "Tom, I'm sorry for what I said...for my...Tom?" Harry stopped and stared, wide eyed at his friend. "What happened to you? You...you're bleeding!"   
  
Tom turned away. "I had a disagreement with Chakotay over a certain vid chip."   
  
"He _hit_ you?" Harry's face clouded. "That's...that's not right." He shook his head. "Are you putting in a report?"   
  
"No." Tom moved to a small locker on the other side of the room and took out a medikit. "Here, gimme a hand would you?" He walked back to the sofa and sat down. Taking a regenerator out of the medikit he held it out to Harry who took it somewhat reluctantly. "He knocked a tooth loose. I can't reach to fix it...would you?"   
  
"Sure." Harry sat next to Tom and peered into his mouth as the Pilot opened for him. "I see it...wait." He got up and went into the bathroom and Tom heard running water for a few moments before he came back, wiping his hands dry on towel. "Open wide, he said softly and gently probed with his fingers, inspecting the damaged gum and pushing the tooth a little more firmly into it's socket, wincing at a small sound of pain from the pilot. "Sorry."   
  
Tom sat patiently while Harry repaired the damage to his tooth, feeling the familiar tingling sensation as the soft, blue light from the regenerator washed over the damaged tissues around the base of the tooth. He winced when Harry next turned his attention to the livid bruise on his jaw, examining it with gentle fingers. "Ow!"   
  
"Sorry." Harry said softly, moving the regenerator over the bruise.   
  
"Stop that!" Tom looked into Harry's eyes and shook his head slightly.   
  
"Huh?" Harry was obviously confused, he deactivated the regenerator and looked at Tom in silence. "Stop what?"   
  
"Apologizing. Har, anyone would think you're a Catholic or something!"   
  
Harry shook his head and gave Tom a strange look, the reference seeming to go right over his head. "I'm Buddhist," he said softly and reactivated the regenerator. "Now hold still while I finish this..."   
  
Tom said nothing, just rolling his eyes and leaning forward again as Harry ran the cool blue beam over his skin. He could see by the thoughtful expression that Harry was deciding how to put something on his mind into words, and he kept quiet.   
  
"Tom..." Harry began as he laid the regenerator aside. "You have to make a report about this. Chakotay can't be allowed to get away with it. Sure we got him into something not so good on Siggah but that doesn't give him the right to..."   
  
"Not we, Har, _I_. I was the one that set Chakotay up. Not you. I was the one that played a stupid game, and Chakotay is understandably mad about it. I'm not gonna tell anyone. If I do I'm gonna have to also tell them how this all got started. I might act stupid sometimes, but even I'm not stupid enough to do that. Chakotay might rough me up over a vid, but he's gonna really kill me if I tell anyone what happened on that planet."   
  
Then give him the Vid." Harry suggested, his dark eyes troubled as he studied Tom's face. "That's all he wants, give it to him and then he will leave you alone."   
  
"No dice, Har. He's not having that vid and that's final." Tom yawned and leaned back against the sofa. "God I'm tired. I've got an early shift, too. I probably should get some sleep."   
  
Harry nodded slightly and sighed as he packed the regenerator back into the medikit. "Are you sure you're gonna be OK?"   
  
"I'll be fine, Har. Honest." Tom stood up, signalling that the discussion was over.   
  
Harry got to his feet as well. "Well, OK..." he took a step towards the door then paused. "Say...how about having lunch together tomorrow? I think I am on the same breaks as you are."   
  
"Great, Har." Tom's face was lit by a radiant smile as he nodded his acceptance. "That'd be great!"   
  
Harry returned the smile as he stepped through the doors into the hallway, but as soon as the door closed behind him his normally placid face darkened. Finely arched dark brows drew together over expressive dark eyes. _Dammit, he can't just get away with this. Not without someone saying something. Tom didn't deserve to be treated that way! No matter what he did, no-one deserves to be treated like that._  
  
After a moment of hesitation Harry turned in the direction of Chakotay's quarters. He was glad that his shift didn't start until late morning, he didn't think he was going to get much sleep tonight.   
  
A few minutes later and he was standing before Chakotay's door. He drew a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, steeling his resolve before he stabbed a finger at the door chimes and waited. It was only a moment before the doors slid open and Harry stepped into the room.   
  
Chakotay was sitting at his desk, a PADD in front of him and a glass of liquid that looked suspiciously like the alcoholic drink they'd sampled on Siggah at his elbow. He looked up as Harry entered and stared at the Ensign for a long time without speaking.   
  
Harry felt uncomfortable under the silent scrutiny. "Sir," He said."I..."   
  
"Yes, Ensign?" Chakotay interjected, adding to Harry's discomfiture.   
  
Harry lifted his chin, determined to speak up and not let the commander intimidate him, "Sir, I know what you did to Tom and I think it is wrong. I told Tom he should report you for assault." His breathing quickened as Harry warmed to the subject. "I can understand that you would be angry, Sir, but that doesn't give you the right to...to...to assault someone like that..." He paused and drew a deep breath. "Tom has never done anything to hurt you, Sir, and I..."   
  
Chakotay stood up and walked around his desk coming face to face with the Ensign, using his height to full advantage as he intruded into Harry's personal space, looming over him. "Never hurt me? Never _hurt_ me?" his eyes flashed murder as he met Harry's gaze. "I suppose it depends on your idea of hurt, Ensign!"   
  
Harry swallowed, forced to retreat a pace or two as Chakotay leaned over him. He bit his lip beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea.   
  
"Hurt...you think it doesn't _hurt_  being stuck out here? Away from my family and my home? There are people back there who were depending on me, Ensign. Good people who are now abandoned because _I_  am stuck here. Abandoned by the Federation through no fault other than their planets being in the wrong location and abandoned by _me_  because your precious pilot friend helped your captain to chase us into a trap!"   
  
"That's not fair!" Harry's temper finally broke. "You're not the only one in a bad situation, Commander! We're just as cut off from our homes and families as you are. _NONE_ of us could have known this was going to happen and Tom would not have had to help Captain Janeway to track you down if you were not a _traitor_!"   
  
The moment the words were out, Harry knew he had pushed too far. He fell silent, staring into eyes that had gone an icy black at the word traitor. He began to shake and edged toward the door.   
  
Chakotay caught hold of his arm and pulled him close, face to face. Glaring into the Ensigns eyes. "I am no traitor, Kim. You don't know anything. How dare you assume such a thing?"   
  
"Let go of me." Harry said, his voice soft, muted with pain from where Chakotay's fingers dug into his flesh. He twisted his arm a little in Chakotay's grasp and looked into the commanders cold eyes. "I said, let me go!"   
  
Chakotay laughed and tightened his grip. "What will you do, Star Fleet? report me for _assault_? What proof do you have? It's your word against mine. You're forgetting that personal quarters are just that. An officer can activate or deactivate the internal logging systems. I personally, never use them in my quarters. Can't have the Captain and her pet Vulcan overhearing things they don't need to can we?"   
  
Harry growled and lunged forwards attempting to throw Chakotay off balance. He was getting tired of the stand over tactics employed by the Maquis Captain. He was even more tired of the innocent, dutiful face Chakotay displayed for Janeway and Tuvok whilst behind their backs, he was totally opposite. He threw all of his weight against the Commander's chest and pushed him backwards, wanting only to break the man's grip.   
  
Caught off guard, Chakotay stumbled several paces before he seemed to get his feet tangled and fell backwards, striking his head on the edge of his desk with a sickening crack as he went down. He groaned once, his face registering shocked surprise as he turned his eyes to Harry's face for a moment, then he slumped to the floor, eyes closed, and lay deathly still.   
  
Harry stared, silent. Feeling the blood drain from his face as Chakotay lay un-moving. He blinked and swallowed hard, his mind racing. _Oh god...what have I done? I didn't mean to hurt him...it was an accident..._  he closed his eyes and drew several deep breaths. _Think...Don't panic...Think,_ he told himself.   
  
After a moment, Harry collected himself and bent over Chakotay's prone form. "Commander?" he called softly. He touched Chakotay's face and drew back with a gasp as Chakotay's head rolled loosely to one side and he noticed the blood matting the dark hair and spreading over the carpet.   
  
Harry staggered backwards, eyes wide with horror. _I've killed him!_  

Harry turned and took to his heels. He ran all the way to his own cabin where he locked the doors. He needed time to think. He needed to straighten out his thoughts and act rationally. He needed a drink. He needed a friend. Harry Kim had never felt so alone in his life. 


	5. Chapter 5

Harry woke with a start, rolling to his side with a groan, he sat up slowly. His head pounded and he felt as though he had a fever. Licking his parched lips, he stumbled to his feet, fogged mind trying to understand why he felt this way.   
  
Then, he remembered.   
  
The force of the flood of memories sent him to his knees on the floor. _I killed him! I killed Chakotay!_  He pressed a hand to his hot forehead and shivered uncontrollably. He felt...dirty. As though he would never get clean again. He felt violated...but why? No-one had hurt him...was it because he was a murderer? Was this how a murderer felt?   
  
Harry believed in the sanctity of life. He would no more have deliberately harmed another person than he would ... would ... He swallowed, sick to his stomach and got up, running for the bathroom.   
  
He was surprised at just how much an empty stomach could actually eject from the system. Afterwards, he collapsed, slumping to sit on the floor, his back pressed to the wall and knees drawn up to his chest. He sat that way for a long time, shivering with chills although he felt as though he was burning up.   
  
On the Bridge, Tuvok glanced at the chronometer above the view screen then turned his eyes to the Ops station. He lifted an eyebrow in query before he glanced at Captain Janeway. "Ensign Kim is 12 minutes and 24 seconds late for his duty shift, Captain." He reported. "It is highly uncharacteristic for him to be late without reason."   
  
Kathryn turned to her tactical officer with a frown. "Com him...perhaps he overslept." She smiled, willing to let this pass if Harry had a good reason. Tuvok was right. Of all her crew, Harry was one of the most dependable.   
  
Tuvok nodded and touched his combadge. "Bridge to Ensign Kim. Report your whereabouts, please."   
  
At the sound of his combadge, Harry's head jerked up so suddenly that he banged it against the wall."Shit..." He winced and rubbed his head. _Oh shit...I'm overdue on the bridge!_  He reached for his badge..   
  
"Kim here." He paused, trying to steady his voice. "I...sir...Ummm I am unwell, request to be excused from duty today."   
  
Tuvok again glanced at the captain and seeing her nod of assent, spoke softly into the com link. "Granted, Ensign. However, if you are still unwell this evening, you will report to sickbay. In future if you are sick enough to require a leave of absence, you will inform the duty officer in adequate time for a replacement to be found."   
  
Harry closed his eyes for a moment. _Yeah, I'll remember that next time I am going to murder someone!_   "Acknowledged. Kim out."   
  
Harry closed the link and pushed himself to his feet. His body felt heavy, weary, as though he had not slept for days. He admitted that the night had been rough. His dreams plagued with images of Chakotay lying still and pale on the floor, of Tom's battered face, replays of his argument with Chakotay.   
  
Just thinking about it, brought the dirty feeling back and Harry stripped. He turned the shower on and stepped under the streaming water, making it as hot as he could bear it and picked up a cake of soap, beginning to frantically scrub at his skin.   
  
Tom winced as he tenderly examined the still swollen flesh on his right cheek. _That bastard!_ he thought bitterly. _I'll just bet he is gonna sit there on the bridge all day and gloat._  He ran the regenerator over the place for the umpteenth time and then shook his head. It was healed as much as it was going to with such means, the rest was a matter of time.   
  
That was the problem with this modern technology. It was good at healing injuries, but the injuries had to be pretty new before it would work at optimum. Tom put the regenerator down and walked over to the bed, picking up his duty shirt and pulling it on over his undershirt.   
  
"Well," he said to himself. "There's no way of hiding it...and I am not hurt badly enough to skip my shift." He walked out of his door, pulling his shirt straight and headed for the turbolift.   
  
Tom was relieved, on his arrival, to note that Chakotay was not yet on the bridge. He nodded to the captain, keeping his expression carefully veiled. He knew the Captain had noticed the swelling on his face almost the moment he walked in, but he said nothing, merely walking to the helm and relieving Gerron.   
  
The Bajoran took a look at Tom, then made a not so subtle double take of the Pilots face. "What happened, Tom?" His dark eyes registered concern.   
  
Gerron was a good kid. Tom smiled. "I ran into a door," he quipped.   
  
"Looks more like a brick wall," Gerron replied before he stepped aside and let Tom slip into the helm position.   
  
Tom occupied his hands and his mind for the next few minutes with monitoring the helm controls. Voyager was in a quiet sector at present, not much to worry about from a navigational point of view. He made some calibrations of the controls and ran a routine diagnostic.   
  
He became so absorbed in his work that the soft buzz of conversation between his crew mates gradually receded into the background.   
  
When a hand fell on his shoulder Tom was so startled that he nearly leaped out of his skin. Looking up, he found himself gazing into the troubled blue eyes of Captain Janeway.   
  
"Captain?" Tom frowned slightly.   
  
"Tom, come with me into my ready room, please." Her lips quirked in an 'almost smile.' Tom had dubbed that small lifting of her lips, her 'almost smile' about a week after they had arrived in the Delta Quadrant. He supposed that she used it to try and reassure people but sometimes, like now, he found it more disconcerting than if she had merely frowned.   
  
He nodded, got to his feet and let another crewman take his place. Following the Captain across the bridge and down the two steps into her private domain.   
  
"Take a seat, Tom," she said softly, then chose to remain standing, pacing with both hands pressed to the small of her back.   
  
Tom wondered if her back ached. She spent a lot of time holding it so, and he made a mental note to ask her sometime. Right now, though, the posture signified a Captain to Crew-member tete a tete and Tom was not sure he really wanted to get into it. He leaned back in the seat he selected and folded his arms across his chest. "Something on your mind, Captain?"   
  
"Tom." Kathryn turned and fixed blue eyes on her Pilot. "Tuvok reported an ... incident to me last night. Involving yourself and Chakotay. Her gaze rested on his face, and he knew she was zeroing in on the lump on his cheek. "Would you like to offer anything on this?"   
  
"Offer anything, Captain?" He slipped the mask firmly into place. "I don't see any need to. Commander Chakotay and I had a ... disagreement."   
  
The Captain sighed softly and turned towards the view port. "Tom, your 'disagreements' with Chakotay seem to be becoming a regular occurrence."   
  
"Nothing I can't handle, Captain." He kept his voice cool and neutral. He wished like damn she wouldn't resort to talking to him with her back. His father used that tactic too and whether she did it intentionally or not, it made him feel small. He licked his lips, waiting for her to respond.   
  
"Do you intend to handle every disagreement between you with your fists, Tom?"   
  
"That was his choice, Ma'am." His defenses were truly up, now. He sighed. "If it was up to me, I could think of easier ways." An edge of banter crept into his tone and he watched her turn to look at him. She shook her head at him, her expression vaguely reproving.   
  
"I am going to set up an appointment with you, Chakotay, Tuvok and myself. I think this needs to be resolved and since it seems you two can't find a common..." She trailed off as the com link chirped.   
  
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."   
  
"Janeway here?" She gave Tom a glance that told him to stay put.   
  
"Captain, a situation has arisen that you need to attend to." The Vulcan's tone was soft, imperative and Janeway sighed. "I'm on my way, Tuvok." Janeway waved Tom out of the room as she strode to the door.   
  
Tom followed on her heels. What could have gone wrong now? Certainly there was nothing on his console that could have indicated trouble. He stepped onto the bridge and paused at Kathryn's right shoulder as she asked Tuvok what was wrong.   
  
"Captain, the Doctor has just commed the bridge to report that he has Commander Chakotay in sickbay." Tuvok's eyes flickered to Tom's face for an instant. "He has a head injury."   
  
Tom sensed, rather than saw Kathryn's shock. He raised his chin, fixing Tuvok with a steady gaze as he assimilated the information. _Harry! Where the hell is Harry?_  For the first time, Tom noticed the Ops station, manned by Ayala. He swallowed hard. _Oh, Harry, I told you not to get involved in this._  
  
Kathryn spoke briskly. "I'm going to sickbay. Tuvok!" She turned to Tom. "You have the bridge, Mister Paris. Her blue eyes bored into his for an instant before she stepped past him and headed for the doors, Tuvok close behind her.   
  



	6. Chapter 6

Chakotay groaned and opened his eyes. Glancing around, he quickly realized he was in sick bay. Spirits, his head hurt. He blinked. "Doctor?"   
  
"Welcome back, Commander!" The response was instantaneous and the EMH flashed into view next to his bed.   
  
"What happened?" Chakotay moved his head slightly and winced as the small movement caused pain to knife through him.   
  
"I am not entirely sure how you were injured, Commander, I was hoping you could shed light on that. But you have a sizeable lump on the back of your head, and you _had_  a small skull fracture which I have repaired. I don't foresee any long term problems, however, I would like you to stay in sick bay for the time being."   
  
Chakotay sighed and closed his eyes. "I...don't remember," he said. "I must have fallen...I...Don't remember."   
  
"Relax, Commander Chakotay. There is no rush to remember anything just yet. The important thing is to rest and recover. No doubt you will remember once you're rested." The Doctor busied himself with notes on a PADD for a moment then looked at his patient. "I am sure captain Janeway will be glad to know you have regained consciousness. I will inform her immediately."   
  
Chakotay murmured assent with a small nod. He felt so tired. The last thing he could remember was fighting with Paris in his quarters. He remembered leaving Tom's cabin then...nothing. No wait...then...Tuvok..and an argument with the Security Officer... He frowned trying to force his mind to go further, but it was useless. Everything after Tuvok's office was a fuzzy blur.   
  
Harry paced his quarters, debating whether to report to sick bay or try and pull himself together enough to attend his duty shift the next morning. He had managed by sheer effort of will to push the events of the previous night to the back of his mind and had kept his status on privacy lockout all day to stop anyone from coming to see him. He was not sure, that if confronted by a concerned crew mate he wouldn't blurt the whole story and decide to turn himself in.   
  
Even as he thought that, the reasonable, rational side of his mind told him that turning himself in was probably the best thing to do. But as soon as he even thought that, another part of him screamed out not to do it. Harry sobbed. He was confused and afraid and alone.   
  
The sudden pounding of a fist on his cabin door almost caused him to lose control of his bladder. He stopped pacing, standing frozen to the spot and stared at the door in terrified silence.   
  
"Har?"   
  
Harry gulped. _Tom? Why Tom? I don't wanna see him...he knows how to make me spill my guts too easily._  
  
"Har! It's Tom and I'm gonna stand here yelling until you let me in!" The determination in the pilot's voice was apparent.   
  
Harry sighed and shook his head. "Go away, Tom...I'm sick..I just want to be left alone!" The only answer was another round of thumping on the door, this time louder than the first. "Shit..." Harry muttered. He walked over to the door and pressed the override to open it. "What do you want, Tom?"   
  
"You need someone to talk to." Tom told him. "Gods...you look _terrible_!"   
  
"Thanks." Harry turned away, not caring if Tom entered or not. He still felt groggy from his unrefreshing sleep. He slumped into a chair. "I suppose asking you to leave isn't an option?" He glanced up at Tom.   
  
"You suppose right." Tom moved to another chair and sat down opposite Harry. "What happened, Har?"   
  
Harry sighed and slumped forwards, resting his elbows on his knees and running a hand through his black mop of hair. "I went to Chakotay's quarters … we fought … I … Kil…"   
  
At that moment, the doors to Harry's quarters slid open to admit Tuvok, Ayala and Gerron.   
  
Harry and Tom both leaped to their feet.   
  
"Tuvok …" Tom began but was silenced by a look from the Vulcan. "Lieutenant Paris. I must ask you to accompany me to security. You are under suspicion for the assault and attempted murder of Commander Chakotay."   
  
"No!" Harry took a half step forward and Ayala quickly moved to block his path. "Tom!" He looked at the pilot and shook his head an instant before the full meaning of Tuvok's words hit him. _Attempted murder? Chakotay isn't dead?_    
  
"At ease, Ensign Kim." Tuvok said.   
  
The words barely penetrated to Harry's wildly racing mind, he looked at Tom then turned to Tuvok. "Sir… I … I…" he blinked, aware of a dull roaring sound in his ears. "Commander Chakotay …"   
  
"Harry …" Tom spoke softly and shook his head. Their eyes locked for a long, tense moment before Tom looked away, turning to the security team. He turned to Tuvok for a moment. "I'll go quietly, Tuvok," he said. 

Harry felt the deck tip on a crazy angle beneath his feet. He groaned, helpless, focused on Tom as the edges of his vision went dark. He opened his mouth to speak, to cry out. Do something to stop Tom. No sound came from his lips. His legs gave out and Harry crumpled to the deck in a dead faint.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Harry Kim regained consciousness, aware of the insistent jangling of every nerve ending in his body, his racing heart and the doctor's voice urgently calling him.   
  
"Ensign Kim! Can you hear me, Ensign? Ensign!"   
  
"Yeah..." Harry slurred, trying to make sense of what was happening, he winced as a bright light was flashed into his right eye, then quickly into the left. "Stop that...it hurts!"   
  
"You're welcome, Ensign." The doctor replied sarcastically. "Don't mention it...I do this kind of thing every day. A thankless task, saving this crew from themselves, but someone has to do it."   
  
Harry struggled to sit up. "I'm grateful...honest...where's the captain?" As he spoke he was in the process of getting off the bio bed. "I need to speak with he..."   
  
"Not so fast, Ensign Kim!" The doctor stepped in front of him. "I have not given you clearance to leave yet."   
  
"I need to see Captain Janeway...something is wrong...very wrong and I...I..."   
  
"Ensign! I am ordering you to stay in that bed!" The doctor blocked the young man's path, a determined look on his holographic features and placed a hand on the ensign's arm to restrain him.   
  
"NO!" Harry pushed at the hologram then realized he was wasting his time that way, the program could and probably would draw on it's programming to over power him if necessary. He looked into the Doctor's eyes and smiled apologetically. "Computer, end Emergency Medical Holographic Program."   
  
With a computerized chirp, the doctor vanished and Harry headed for the doors, "Sorry, Doc," he said as he went, unaware of a pair of dark brown eyes following his every move. 

* * *

"And you have detailed everything that happened, from the time that I encountered yourself and Commander Chakotay in the hall, until you left the Commander in his quarters unconscious?" Tuvok regarded Tom Paris steadily, his perceptive eyes searching the pilot's face.   
  
Tom nodded, "Yes." He licked his lips nervously. "Chakotay has been on my back almost from the moment he came aboard. It was only a matter of time. I've tried to avoid him, tried to establish some sort of working relationship, but he has made my life hell for a long time, Last night, I guess it all just came to a head. He decided to rough me up some...and I'd had enough."   
  
"Why did you fail to report any of this? Lieutenant, you know there are systems in place to deal with such harassment."   
  
"Oh yeah, Tuvok...and on this particular ship, in this particular quadrant, there aren't a heck of a lot of places to run to. Were you going to keep Chakotay locked up for the whole journey home?" He shook his head. "I have my own ways of dealing with this."   
  
"Ways that would seem to be ineffective, Lieutenant, and now leave myself and Captain Janeway with the additional problem of what to do with you."   
  
Tom frowned and bowed his head, staring at the tips of his highly polished boots. "Well, you can't keep _me_ locked up either. At least, not indefinitely...This ship needs a good pilot at the helm... maybe there is some way for Chakotay and I to work this out..."   
  
"Perhaps." Tuvok stood and moved to the door. "The Captain and I will need to discuss this, and decide the most appropriate action to take. In the meantime, you will remain in the brig..." He trailed off, glancing through the force field as a commotion arose outside the cell. Several voices, including those of the Captain and Harry Kim were audible, approaching the cell he and Tom were in.   
  
Tom stood up. _Harry! You idiot._  
  
A moment later, Harry, Captain Janeway, Neelix and a rather flustered looking Greg Ayala arrived in front of Tom's cell.   
  
Ayala looked at Tuvok and shrugged. "I'm sorry, Sir, I tried to tell them that you were in the middle of an interview and couldn't be disturbed..."   
  
Tuvok inclined his head slightly. "Very good, Crewman. You may go."   
  
Watching the group outside the cell in silence, Tom found himself gazing into Harry's dark, troubled eyes. He frowned, not speaking, trying to convey to Harry by his expression alone that he shouldn't say anything. After a moment, he became aware of the captain's searching gaze on him and he lowered his eyes, retreating behind a wall of sullen silence. 

* * *

Kathryn turned her attention from Tom to her security officer. "Tuvok, Mr Kim has something to say which I think has a bearing on this case. I wouldn't normally disturb you in the middle of an investigation, but...this seemed important."   
  
"I see." Tuvok turned to look at Harry. "What do you wish to say, Ensign?"   
  
Tom shot Harry another look of warning, willing him to keep his mouth shut.   
  
"Commander," Harry began. "You have made a mistake. Tom Paris is not responsible for what happened to Commander Chakotay. I am! I was the one who attacked Chakotay. I pushed him and he fell. He hit his head and...and I thought I killed him..."   
  
"Harry!" Tom stepped forward. "He's lying, Captain!"   
  
"Tom! You don't have to protect me!" Harry stepped as close to the force field as he could and stared hard at his friend, the man he had admired for so long, the man he loved. "I did it...I assaulted Chakotay. You know it...so there is no need to take the blame for my actions."   
  
Tom shook his head, saying nothing.   
  
"I am telling the truth," Harry insisted. "Last night, I went to Tom's quarters, it was late, I needed to talk with him about something, and when I got there, I found him bruised and battered. I was angry when Tom told me who did that to him...I went to confront Chakotay. We got into an argument and I pushed him, he hit his head and I thought I killed him...I...panicked and I ran...Commander, please, you have to believe me. It was me. Not Tom. Me!"   
  
Tuvok turned to look at Tom. "Lieutenant?"   
  
Tom shook his head. "It's a nice story, Commander, and Harry _did_  come to my quarters last night, but it was after I left Chakotay in his room." He looked at Harry, "I appreciate what you're trying to do Har...but it's no good. I did it."   
  
Kathryn Janeway sighed. One of the two officers had to be lying. As yet, she was unsure which, though she thought it was not beyond imagination that Harry _might_  try to protect Tom and get him off the hook. Still, it was unlike Harry to lie, and he was obviously upset when he'd come to her ready room an hour ago. She pressed her fingers to her forehead for a moment, then looked at Tuvok.   
  
"Suggestions?"   
  
"I suggest we try talking to Commander Chakotay again. Perhaps he has remembered something by now."   
  
Kathryn nodded then looked at Tom. "Lieutenant, I am going to permit you to leave the brig. Until we can establish exactly who is at fault here, I'm confining you and Ensign Kim to quarters." She looked at Kim. "You are not to have any contact with each other whatever, am I understood?"   
  
"Yes, Ma'am."   
  
"Yes, Captain."   
  
With a nod, Janeway glanced at Tuvok. Let him out, Commander."   
  
Tuvok dropped the force field and stepped out of the holding cell, waiting for Tom to join him. He tapped his combadge, "Tuvok to Ayala and Joannes, please escort Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim to their quarters."   
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn stood beside Chakotay's bed in sick bay, arms folded across her waist as she regarded him steadily. "This is not the first time you and Tom Paris have resorted to your fists to solve problems, Chakotay. What was it this time?"   
  
"It's nothing I can't handle." Chakotay muttered sullenly, his head still ached like the blazes and he was sore all over, who would have thought that little Harry Kim had the kind of strength it took to knock him down.   
  
Kathryn smirked and shook her head. "Oh I know...you handled this latest episode so well that you nearly wound up dead. I have two officers both swearing blind he was the one who assaulted you. What have you to say to that?"   
  
"I don't recall an assault. I was in my quarters...I...had a few drinks...I must have fallen." The lie came to his lips too damned easy. Chakotay hated himself for it. Once, he would have done anything, admitted to anything to avoid clogging his spirit with untruths, but that was a long time ago, he was light years away from the person he was then.   
  
Kathryn sighed. "So you're telling me that both Tom and Harry are lying. Why? What would either of them gain?"   
  
Chakotay shrugged and looked away. "It might have something to do with a bet...who knows. I don't remember anyone coming to my quarters last night. Tom and I had a confrontation, yes. But that took place in _his_  cabin...   
  
Tuvok raised an eyebrow. He'd been silent until now, content to let the Captain ask the questions whilst he observed the Commander's reactions, but such a glaring difference to Tom Paris's story could not be allowed to pass. "Commander, you say that the altercation between yourself and Lieutenant Paris took place in his cabin?" The Vulcan frowned.   
  
"Yes. After that, I returned to my quarters and began working on my report about the away mission. Why?" Chakotay met the intense dark eyed gaze of Voyager's tactical officer unflinchingly.   
  
"Lieutenant Paris told me that you had fought, he freely admitted to it, yet, he says it happened in your quarters."   
  
"Then, that only proves that he is lying, Commander. I know what I remember, and Tom Paris was _not_  in my quarters last night."   
  
Kathryn let out an exasperated sigh and turned away, pacing the length of the sick bay and back. "So, we have Harry claiming to have assaulted Chakotay in _Chakotay's_  quarters, _Tom_  also claiming to have assaulted Chakotay in his quarters...and Chakotay says any fight that happened took place in _Tom's_  quarters?"   
  
"That is correct." Tuvok met the captain's eyes levelly. "All three officers cannot be falsifying their accounts. However, it remains to be discovered _which_  is lying."   
  
"Oh...very astute!" Kathryn said and instantly regretted her acerbic tone.   
  
"Perhaps I can solve this, Captain." Chakotay spoke softly. "After all, I am the injured party here. I don't recall an assault ... at least not that resulted in my receiving a head injury that almost cost me my life. I don't wish to pursue a charge against Tom, and as for Harry...no doubt his loyalties for Tom have led him to try and take the flak for it." He shifted position on the bio bed. "I'll take any discipline you care to administer for fighting with Paris and I am happy to let it rest there."   
  
Kathryn paused in her pacing and four slender fingers fluttered to rest against her forehead for a moment. She had to admit Chakotay's solution was tempting. She felt a crushing headache developing and wanted nothing more than to get away to her lounge for a cup of her favorite coffee blend and a few minutes of reflection.   
  
"Tuvok?" She met the Vulcan's eyes with a searching gaze.   
  
"I believe Commander Chakotay's solution is the best of a bad situation. I will devise disciplinary measures for him and Lieutenant Paris and present them tomorrow. If you wish, I will also speak with Ensign Kim about the depths to which loyalty should be permitted to influence him."   
  
Kathryn nodded then rounded on Chakotay. "I don't believe a word you have said, Commander. I think you know what happened to cause your head injury, but I am willing to let this go. However, I am _not_  willing to permit this constant tension between you and Paris to continue! Work it out, Commander! That's an order!" 

* * *

Harry Kim paced the confines of his quarters like a caged lion. His thoughts were agitated. _Tom can be such an idiot sometimes! Why? Why did he say he was the one who hurt Chakotay? So stupid!_ He paused his restless motion to stare out of the view port, pondering his friend's actions. _It just doesn't make any sense! I don't understand it ... god I wish I could talk to him!_  
  
After a moment, he swung away from the window, and moved into the bedroom, standing there staring into nothingness. His mind wandered back to the events that had led up to this ridiculous situation.   
  
 _Tom has kissed me two times in as many days...I should be the happiest man on Voyager right now...it's what I have dreamed about...longed for...so why do I feel so...bad?_  
  
With a growl of exasperation he walked back to the living area. "Because, Harry, you sent him away! You had the chance ...right in the palm of your hand, he was here...he kissed you, he told you he wanted to stay and you...Mr oh so innocent wounded one pushed him away!" Sighing, Harry found himself standing next to his music stand, the treasured clarinet laid across the bottom of the stand, awaiting him. He touched the shining ebony for a moment. "This is all my fault. If Tom had stayed here that night, none of this would have happened."   
  
Harry shook his head, letting his hand fall away from the silent instrument.  _How could I know? So much of what Tom does is just a front...some kind of a game. Even that stunt he pulled on the planet. I never know when to take him seriously._  
  
The chirp of his combadge startled him.   
  
"Paris to Kim...Harry, I need to talk to you."   
  
Harry frowned "No contact...Tom can't you take one simple order once in your life?"   
  
 _"Harry? C'mon! you're not still mad at me are you?"_  
  
"Shit..." He touched his badge. "Tom we're under orders. What part of no _contact_ do you not understand?"   
  
"All of it. I'm on my way to your quarters..." Tom's voice was edged with amusement, "Paris out."   
  
"What?!"   
  
Tapping his combadge, "Tom! Are you completely out of your mind? Captain Janeway is going to bust your..."   
  
"Relax, Harry...and open the door, huh? I'm kind of attracting attention standing outside your door talking to you over coms."   
  
Harry rubbed his face with both hands. "This is not happening...it's not happening...I don't believe this!"   
  
Uncovering his face, Harry looked around. Strange thing about reality. It had a habit of not going away. He gave a resigned sigh and walked over to key in a code to open the door. "Ok, if I am gonna be on charges for the first time in my career I might as well make a good job of it."   
  
"That's the spirit!" Tom quipped cheerfully as he sailed into the room. "I knew you had it in you to be a total reprobate...right from the minute I saw you on DS9..." His voice began to crack with laughter and he had to pause to get it under control. "From that very minute I knew ... you're destined to be a master criminal!"   
  
"Tom, this isn't funny!" Harry turned, following Tom across the room. "You're...we're... _I'm_  in enough trouble as it is without..."   
  
"No you're--we're not. The charges are withdrawn, Har. The Captain lifted the ban on contact between us 20 minutes ago...but I asked if I could be the one to let you know."   
  
"I really ought to kill you." Harry sank down on the sofa. "I really should..." Then, suddenly, inexplicably he was shaking and tears were flowing down his cheeks and he couldn't say anything else.   
  
"Hey!" Tom lost the joker attitude immediately and hurried over to hunker down in front of his friend. "Hey..." He touched Harry's hand. "I'm sorry, Har, I didn't mean to hurt you."   
  
"Why, Tom?" Two tear filled, soft brown eyes bored into concerned blue ones. "Why did you do it? Why did you try to take a fall for me?"   
  
Tom pushed a hand through his hair. "Hey, Star Fleet...you're the one with the perfect record...you've never put a foot wrong. And I mean it when I say you're destined for something great...me?" He shrugged. "What's one more charge with _my_  record, huh?"   
  
"Oh, Tom..." Harry couldn't speak for a moment, "Tom...you're an idiot..."   
  
"It's one of my more endearing qualities." Tom attempted his usual cocky humor and failed. Watching in dismay as Harry buried his face in his hands sobbing as though his heart would break.   
  
"Harry..." Tom reached out to pull Harry into his arms, drawing him close. "I'm sorry. I'm such an ass sometimes...I'm sorry."   
  
"I...I thought he was dead...I th-thought I killed him! There was...blood and...and he was s-so still I...god, Tom! I..."   
  
"Shhhh....Come on, Chakotay's OK. He has a harder head than you think," Tom soothed, stroking Harry's silky black hair with one hand. "Even the Cardassians couldn't kill him Har...it would take more than a bump on the head. Trust me."   
  
"But you don't understand..." Harry looked up and met Tom's eyes, "I thought I killed him! I felt...so..." he closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed. "It was such a sickening feeling, and then when you confessed to it...I...Tom...How could you do that?"   
  
"Because this whole frigging screwed up situation is my fault, Harry! Maybe I wasn't the one who pushed Chakotay, maybe he isn't lying in sick bay because _I_  assaulted him...but I started this with my stupid games. I am more to blame for this than anyone."   
  
"You don't know how _stupid_  that sounds!" Harry pulled out of Tom's arms and stood up. "Dammit Tom! What if Chakotay _did_  die?! You would have thrown away your whole career for it! For me...For..." He stopped and stared at Tom in silence. "For ... _me_?" His voice was slightly hesitant.   
  
Tom raised his eyes to Harry's face and leaned back on the sofa, folding his arms across his chest. "What do you think, Harry? What do you want to believe?" He studied the handsome Ensign. "Would I do that for you...or just because I feel sorry for you?"   
  
Sighing, Harry looked away. "I don't know what to believe, Tom."   
  
Tom got up off the sofa and closed the distance between them in a couple of strides. Standing face to face with his best friend, the man who had, of all Voyager's crew, accepted him at face value, regardless of his past. The man who had shared so much with him, highs, lows, and everything in between. He stared into Harry's warm dark eyes and gently traced a line down the other man's cheek with one finger.   
  
"Believe this, Harry." He leaned forward and tenderly captured Harry's lips with his own, kissing him, coaxing a response, allowing his tongue to flicker across those soft, sweet lips.   
  
Harry closed his eyes, savoring the feel of soft, cool lips against his own, lips that quickly warmed when he didn't draw away. He groaned, lifting a hand to touch Tom's face, shyly exploring the texture of skin, listening to the sigh of pleasure that answered his touch, parting his lips to welcome the questing tongue. He groaned again as Tom's arms went around him, crushing him, pulling him close in a passionate embrace.   
  
Tom savored Harry's mouth, his tongue delving into sweet depths, meeting with and teasing Harry's tongue to a duel. His breath quickened to light panting as his hands ran up and down Harry's back, exploring him through his clothing.   
  
Finally, he ended the kiss and drew back a little, still keeping an arm about the younger man's waist, gazing into his eyes as he traced a thumb across Harry's lips. "No more games, Harry, I don't play games with someone I care about."   
  
Harry blinked, his beautiful dark eyes gazing up at Tom with wonder, searching his face for several seconds before the ensign spoke. "I've never felt like this before..."   
  
Tom grinned and drew Harry closer, "I hope that's a good thing..." he brushed his lips over Harry's again, his hand resting lightly against the smooth skin of the man's neck, aware of the fluttering pulse beats through the tips of his fingers. Tom moaned with desire but pulled back. "God, Har..." his voice was rough with passion.   
  
Harry drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. Smiling, he reached up to caress Tom's cheek. "It's a good thing...it's a good feeling, I...I like it."   
  
"Harry?" Tom's voice and expression were suddenly sober. "Have you ever...been with a man before?"   
  
"No...never, I have to admit, I was surprised when I realized that my feelings for you are...more than just friendship."   
  
Tom smiled softly and placed both hands on Harry's shoulders. "Harry, that is the most precious thing you could ever offer me...I...I'm ..." He searched for words. "God...I think for the second time in my life, I am speechless." He chuckled. "Are you sure about this?"   
  
"I'm sure..." Harry looked into Tom's eyes. "Very sure."   
  
"C'mere, then," Tom breathed as he leaned forward and took possession of those sweet, responsive lips once more, pulling Harry into a long, passionate kiss, claiming his new found lover with all the tender passion he could muster.   
  
End 


End file.
